I wanted to write a post on the Connecticut shootings that reflected some critical thought about the tragedy. I wanted to respond to some of the reactions and opinions that are spilling out all over social media. I had wondered what it might look like to offer a spiritual perspective on the shootings, and the abhorrent treatment of virtual reality headset children all over the planet. I sensed a tirade attempting to make its way in to print that for a few moments felt like my most important offering to this world of heartbreak. That tirade has swelled in me a few times over the last few days, and yet as my fingers hit the keyboard I find myself vapor locked. Nothing my head has to say can soften the sorrow in my heart. So I am silenced. And I realize, now, that THIS is my most important offering.
Silence creates a room inside of me in which some portion of the collective grief of this tragedy can spread out. Be felt. And have a hope of transformation. No amount of blaming, labelling or thinking can offer this. Inside this silent room, when my mind stills, there is the possibility of healing. My steady breath dresses the wound as I feel it. My attention offers compassion and as I continue to feel I am ushered slowly in this great silence toward love’s curative nectar. This is my offering today, to feel my part of society’s pain, so deeply that my heart is cracked open and I can feel the love that underlies all pain. This is my responsibility, as a co-creator of the society in which I live, to allow some droplet of this agony to wash through me. Consciously, and unimpeded by all the judgments and blame that my mind would prefer to throw around, to distract me from feeling. From being truly impacted.
And so I sit here. Fingers moving, mind dropped deep into the feeling the place where anger, pain, sorrow and confusion collide. It is an uncomfortable place and I consider ways to distract myself away from it. But I sit in it. It is the small candle I burn inside me for the children and families around the world who suffer atrocities every day I can’t mentally comprehend. I sit inside that flame and feel the burn, and wait patiently, in hopes that its soft light with show me something of hope and the path to conscious action. May it show me how I can act in the next moment that will contribute in some small way to redemption, and to the possibility of a society where we can do better. It is only the Heart at the bottom of our hearts that can show us this.