“Language has created the word loneliness to express the pain of being alone. And it has created the word solitude to express the glory of being alone” – Paul Tillich
If you’ve read my last two posts, it’s obvious I’ve been holding some difficult things. Well, the drum beat has stilled, and the echo leaves me with this… indeed a song of my soul has been beaten womens down jackets out of me. And this is what I heard in the melody…
I seek not the end of loneliness but the fullness of solitude. On the other side of wrenching loneliness, I have found a lonely soul aching for itself. Forgotten in the daily activities of living, in towing the line of social convention, she is starved of my own attention. Forgotten, she has been, my beautiful, lonely soul. Remembered, she is now, and this is her message.
She begs me, to empty my life of society’s fodder so that she can be heard in the echo of great emptiness. She asks me to be so alone, so descended into the dark, secret chamber of the ancient cathedral of my heart that the static of the world around me becomes only faint, white noise.
She calls me to know the solitude of a single, silent snowflake – to feel myself as the last, lingering note of a symphony. She unwinds me all the way back to the soundless moment before the big bang and begs me to rest there. Alone, in the pregnant void.
As she breaks down the labels society has given me to shield me from nothingness, I am laid naked before myself. And like the original Eve, I am terrified. Can I bear what I see? Can the world? For now I hold the terror, like I did the loneliness and wait for the next leaf of my thousand petal soul to unfold.
The song below is about one of the most beautiful things I’ve ever heard. And it could be the anthem of solitude – which was sought by the character of the song in its most final and perhaps desperate forms.