To be fully alive, expanding in all directions. This is my deepest wish, and my greatest fear. What does it mean to be fully alive? This question has been haunting me in various forms for most of my life. I can’t say that I’ve come to any conclusions about it. Instead, I suspend the question in my heart and what rises in brief lucid moments is a vision of a radiant sun, expanding in all directions from the center of my chest. I see it and feel it now and it brings soft tears to my eyes. I sense that this symbol represents two things. The first is that I can become.
Yesterday I returned from a 4 day retreat with Sandra Sammartino, which was held at the Sylvan Lake Bahai Centre. I’ve been to Sandra’s retreat twice prior to this one, but this one was a totally different experience for me than I’ve had in the past. The retreat content was very much the same as others I’ve been to. Sandra focusses heavily on the energy body, the unconscious and past wounds that become stored in the body as armour. This is rich, deep, extremely intense work that, in the past, has been a life saver for me. This time was different. Not that the teachings are less important, but they felt.