There is something that calls us to Wholeness (or Spirit, God, Peace, Allah, Jehovah, Krishna etc etc) isn’t there? I remember as a child feeling less like Spirit called to me and more like it bellowed holy renderings at the very top of it’s lungs. At the time I recall feeling what Jeanne de Salzmann calls a “nostaliga for being” that I could neither articulate nor understand. I felt a deep love and appreciation for the wonder of life that would sometimes overwhelm me. Those were softer times when I could lay in the grass of my back yard and let those feelings flood through my relaxed body, tender heart and open.
I’m sure many of you have heard the adage “we are not human beings that can have spiritual experiences but spiritual beings having a human experience”. This sentiment was always a little peculiar to me since I wondered what it meant to be a purely spiritual being (which would then be able to wiggle its way into a human embodiment). Would I be a big ball of light? But as I understand it light is both wave and particle, hence it is an entity of the physical realm. Would I have any form at all? Perhaps I would just be a thought, but, who’s thought? The idea that I am a spiritual.
There is a moat around my house. It is white and fluffy and it feels like it is imprisoning me. A few months ago I wrote “The Dying Season” about the transition of the lively summer season into winter. We have now hit the true “dead of winter” and I have to say that I accept it with about as much grace as a aardvark with a broken leg stuck in a mud hole. Inside, I feel smothered by the snow and paralyzed by the cold. Over the last few blizzardy days I’ve deeply felt the conundrum of the winter in me. Nothing I do will melt the snow, bring back.
Let me tell you about a resolution I once made. I was living in Calgary after graduating from my undergrad and was working at a natural food store. I hadn’t had much experience with holistic living at that point and was mesmerized by the alternative lifestyles of my coworkers. At one point, with characteristic immoderation, I agreed to go on a raw foods cleanse with a friend I’d been spending a lot of time with. So, cold turkey, I resolved to eat only raw, organic food in accordance with what was touted to be “the healthiest possible diet”. Such a move would surely secure me a spot in hippy heaven. .